The Food That Made Me

Kids, being born the youngest definitely has its perks. For years, I practically didn’t need to lift a finger. Being born prematurely at 2 pounds and two ounces, I was the length of chopsticks and the weight of two water bottles. I was the golden child (金叵羅), the youngest and the only son. Plus, I had two older sisters who were 10 and 8 years older. I tell people that I had three mothers.

Being raised in a traditional Hong Kong household, I embraced filial piety from a young age. Respect your elders. And (usually, this also includes) doing your part to make the lives of elders easier. I was shielded from that because my mom cleaned, cooked, and cared for me. After my mom had a stroke when I was eighteen, I no longer had a shield. Before, I only needed to pour tea whenever we were out for yum cha (飲茶), but that is a story for another time. Tea is complex. Now, I must contribute to the household, so washing dishes it is.

After graduate school, I moved in with my oldest sister’s family. I am forever grateful to them for their generosity and welcome. At the age of 25, I was thrown into the chores of washing dishes and taking out the garbage. I’m thankful for their patience and gentleness when I didn’t clean or wipe things properly. I was an irritable teen-adult who had everything taken care of for me before. And even in college, I survived with minimal chores. There was a learning curve for me regarding the actual task and patience. Through all this, I became a much more domestic househusband, so your mommy has them to thank.

My now one-hundred-year-old Chinese teacher, Teacher Lin (林老師), would tell me that he enjoyed washing the dishes very much. Like Bill Gates, both men can’t cook. So, the next best thing is to do the dishes. He said it was meditative for him to have an end goal and to do repetitive motions. I agree. I learned to find it contemplative, goal-oriented, and a time when I can catch up on videos.

Here is how you wash dishes:

1. Wear gloves. Find ones that you like and, are snug and don’t leak water in. Watery gloves are the worst. Don’t cut slits in them, and try to hang them. They will tear it, and it will be a waste. I didn’t wear gloves for most of my dishwashing career because I enjoyed feeling the plates’ cleanliness. It is easier to feel out if it is still oily. However, another thing that I learned as I have grown wiser is that our skin is porous. So, detergent is being absorbed into our bodies through the half an hour a day that we wash dishes. Slowly, it accumulates. Plus, your grandma said that it ruins your hands. And I want you guys to have pretty hands. But they may have already been destroyed by having callouses and ripping your skin from gymnastics.
2. Knives should be taken out of the sink because you don’t want to be accidentally stabbing yourself.
3. Hopefully, I have taught you the differences between pans and pots by now. If not, I have spoiled you guys too much. So, there are nonstick materials, such as wood and stainless steel. For nonstick material and wood, always use a sponge, and don’t use anything harsh like a brush. Stainless steel is much more forgiving, and you can use steel wool and brushes.
4. You can use warm water for most things and soak things in hot water for things with a lot of oil. For really tough messes, use baking soda and lemon juice. But don’t leave the baking soda there too long, or it will harden.
5. Ok, now you can start. Load everything that can be washed and fit in a dishwasher. You can’t wash knives in a dishwasher; it will cause them to rust and even damage them. You can’t wash wooden things in the dishwasher because too high heat breaks down the wood. So, you are lucky that we are a family that uses the dishwasher now. Until my twenties, I only used the dishwasher as a drying rack. But now, I have become wiser and also have tendinitis. The dishwasher works well if it isn’t 30 years old because it uses high heat to wash things, so it is better for killing bacteria.
6. There shouldn’t be too many things left to wash by hand. For a cast-iron, never use soap. Throw kosher salt on it and use a paper towel to scratch it against the pan. This will help clean it off. Rinse and wipe afterward, and add a thin oil layer with a paper towel. Oh. HANDWASH the mugs. This is very important. Your mommy cares about the words and designs on them. And I, too, with my GMM mug.
7. Ok. I’m bad at this step. There have been multiple women in my life who have been unsatisfied with my work here. I won’t name any names. Scrub the sink and run the garbage disposal. And wipe the counters. You wipe it like a W to keep moving all the debris.
8. You have to oil wooden things too… And, you shouldn’t leave water and oil in ceramic or Dutch ovens because it breaks them down.

Hopefully, this wasn’t too overwhelming. Daddy has a lot of feelings about dishwashing since he is such a seasoned dishwasher.

To my oldest, I’m sorry that you had to work harder at things and felt like you had to parent. To my middle child, I’m sorry for the trauma, and I have been saving up for your therapy. To my youngest, please start washing the dishes. Daddy probably has carpal tunnel by now from carrying all of you. Daddy needs to save his arm movement quota for golfing and cooking.

P.S. Pictured is your grandma (嫲嫲) washing dishes. She was my pillar of life while growing up, who shielded me and the one who taught me to love food.