The Food That Made Me

Kids, every chef has a signature dish. Some grill steaks, and others bake cookies. The first dish I made consistently for the family before marriage was steamed tofu. This is where I began cooking—my first dish. I don’t recall if I started making this in high school or after college. I remember it tasting beautifully — the smooth, silken tofu. I try only to get spoonfuls that have soy sauce drizzled on them. When I was little, my dad would heat the oil hot and pour it on top. It would sizzle, and the aroma of garlic and green onion would burst. White rice, tofu, green onion, garlic, and ginger are the perfect easy meals that are still pretty healthy—carbs, protein, and veggies. Your mommy disagrees, but SHHHH, this is how you’ll be able to afford college.

It’s an easy dish, but every step matters. Here’s how I make it.

1. Boil water in a wok and place a steamer rack in it. Test the plate; you will put the tofu in it to ensure it fits.
2. Wash and peel ginger. Mince it. (I would tell you to julienne it now. Also, there will be no measuring because I thought more is more, which I still think is true with garlic.)
3. Peel a head of garlic and mince it. Yes, a head. Your mommy and most people would disagree with this amount, but I can win some battles in the marriage.
4. Wash and cut off the green part of a green onion. You can cut them into small rings or mince them. Hopefully, I’ll teach you how to use the white parts later for steaming fish.
5. Open a box of silken tofu and drain the water from the box.
6. After the water is boiling, put the tofu on the plate. Carefully place the plate into the wok and cover it for 10 minutes.
7. While the tofu is cooking, heat up some oil with another pan. Add the green onion and ginger. Once it smells good and you see some change in browning, then it should be good.
8. Take the tofu out. Plop the toppings on. Add soy sauce. Hope your family isn’t disappointed, or maybe you don’t even hope because you are desensitized.

I would make this dish whenever my mom or sister wanted me to cook. My sister and brother-in-law jokingly complained that this was the only dish I would make. It was known as the tofu surprise. Now that I think about it, there was sarcasm there because there was no surprise.

We come from a long line of eaters who have high standards. My mom taught me that if you let pork liver cook for one second over, then it is pointless. My dad would not eat leftovers. He would call a lot of food so-so (麻麻地), which translates to “that was trash.” But, he would continue going to those “trash” restaurants, I guess hoping that they will improve, but more likely because of convenience. My older-younger sister (細家姐) would say everything is ok with an emphasis on the okness. For my oldest sister (大家姐), the best way to describe their standard, they frequented Michelin restaurants. The dishes were not crispy enough, too sweet, not hot enough, too basic, not fresh enough, no Indian, no Korean, and so on. And I will explain my standards to you soon.

Feelings of incompetence and having a fixed mindset forced me to think that this was the only thing that I could make that satisfied them was steamed tofu. Or, it was my way of checking the box and fulfilling my duty. I was afraid to fail and disappoint. One night, I almost tried something different. I had a recipe for fried rice bookmarked, but the thought of messing up made my stomach twist and knot. So, I reached for the tofu again. Safe, predictable, and impossible to overcook. If they would judge, at least I knew what to expect. I was afraid that people wouldn’t eat anything else that I cooked. After a while, I stopped trying. I became great at washing dishes, but that is a story for another time.

Ok, I don’t want to paint the wrong picture. I love our family and promise they will be portrayed more positively later. But, sometimes, high standards paralyze. When open communication isn’t fully there, trust breaks down. I was scared to try again. I promise you that it isn’t all doom and gloom, though. I learned in college that beauty can come from even challenging moments. Steamed tofu was my safety net, but little did I know. It was only the start of something bigger.

Kids, this is the story of how I met my love of food and cooking.