The Food That Made Me

1/18/2026

Kids, when you guys grow up, you should buy your mom a horse (and then pay for its room and board… vet bills… supplements…). Anyways, it is two weeks in of having Child #1. I am exhausted, and your mommy is even more exhausted.

Context:

You were born 6 weeks early and at only 4 pounds. We went back and forth to the hospital every day. You stayed at the hospital for a week, being babysat by the nurses. Oh my goodness, they adored you. You were the perfect baby. You didn’t really cry, and you would make little squeaks like a newborn puppy. Who am I kidding? Everyone adored you. You had the tiniest fingers and toes. You were asleep for almost 22 hours each day. You won the hearts of everyone.

Going Home:

Thankfully, your Auntie and your Grandpa installed the carseat into the car before you got discharged. It was really complicated. It took a real engineer. Your daddy is a failed engineer. Going home, I didn’t drive 10 miles an hour as I expected to. But, I did it. No one was hurt.

At Home:

Because you were born 6 weeks ahead of schedule, the confinement nanny was not available. So, we were very grateful that your Grandma came and drove, held you, cleaned, cooked, and much more. Here’s why your Grandma being there was important. Your mommy had to breastfeed (20 minutes), feed you a bottle of either breastmilk or formula (30 minutes), burp for 10 minutes, pump every 2-3 hours, change the diaper, put you into a onesie, and finally put you into a sleep sack. The only way I can describe it is similar to a challenge in Culinary Class Wars, where chefs had to keep making tofu dishes until there was a final winner. The chefs had to cook over 8 Michelin level dishes with tofu. Similar to the challenge, this trio cycle has been my personal heaven and hell.

Probably, your mommy will not use such strong or dramatic wording. But, you know, your daddy doesn’t shy away from being dramatic. For clarity’s sake, your mommy was involved in all of the cycles (because apparently, daddy isn’t qualified to lactate). I only helped out when I could. Waking up at 12am, 3am, and 6am to bottlefeed you. Then, waiting for you to burp. Still, it was really exhausting and one of the hardest things I have done so far in my life. The silence and constant staring made me feel so bored. Every feeding felt like a marathon to see if my finger grip strength is strong enough to hold your little body in place.

But, it wasn’t all hell. It has also been my heaven. Jennifer Roberts, an art history professor at Harvard, assigns her students to spend 3 hours looking at a single work of art. This “slow looking” process allows for deep focus, revealing hidden details. While I have not stared at your face for three hours straight, I have accumulated much more than that already. I think a similar phenomenon has occurred where I am able to appreciate the details. Your thin, dirty blonde hair. The cadence of your little grunts when you are pooping or peeing. The timing of you sucking the bottle’s nipple. When your body decides to tense up. So, anyway, your grandma being here was very important because she gave us the bandwidth to fully give our attention to you (and I also had to return to work). We are very sleep-deprived.

We have also received lots of love and support from the church and friends. But that is a story for another time.

A reminder again: When you make enough money, buy your mommy a horse. And, visit your grandma every chance you get.